Friday, June 5, 2009

very low..

Nothing puts me in a worse mood than dealing with the insurance company. (I am very sorry if any of you out there reading this work for an insurance company) I just found out what it's going to cost for me to have these tests done next week. Not to mention what we still owe the hospital for my 11 days there. I'm rundown. I'm stressed. I need to find a job. I don't even feel like that is a possibility at the moment but I know I need too. I have something in the works to start in August but June and July are going to be very long months.
This was our year to be debt free (other than our house...that's a goal but not this year). That will not be the case at all now. I have more than doubled our debt in one month with all of my medical bills. Not to mention the fact the most 24 and 25 years old don't have money put back to have a funeral for their dead child (especially in this crazy expensive town). I'm stressed and afraid. I look at our almost none existent savings account and think...what are we going to do if something else happens.

I'm sure my husband is going to die if he reads this post. He does not talk about money with other people. He is completely old school in that area. He likes people to think we have it together..(not in a "keeping up with the Jones' kind of way..just in a "some things aren't other peoples business kind of way). So, if this post gets deleted you will know why.

People keep asking us what they need to pray for. Pray that we will not let fear and stress consume our lives. I don't want to live life like that. I pray each day that the Lord will strengthen my faith in Him. That He will really help me learn how to come to Him with all of my pain and stress and hurt and fear and lay it at His feet.

I have one thousand and one things that I have to get done today. I really need to have a productive day.


  1. I can't imagine how overwhelming all this is for you both. I am praying for yall. And just remember...

    Luke 12:22-24 Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!"


  2. You guys are still in my prayers.

  3. Life can be so very overwheming. The worst thing you can do it play the what if game. Try to enjoy at least one thing each day. As hard as it may seem, it might help. I need to remember that sometimes too.

  4. Courtney-

    I'm a complete stranger but I've walked a similar walk. I lost my baby Nate March 08. It will get easier. God will replace the saddness and fear with joy and hope. It just takes time. Give yourself grace and allow yourself to grieve. It's okay. You will come out of this deep dark tunnel a stronger and better person. Phil. 4 really helped me see the good in life and appreciate what God has given me even amongst all the pain and tears. If you're interested, our story can be found at I would love to connect if you want. I truly believe that God has had me walk in these footsteps so that I can help others do the same. And, I'm willing to honor Him in that way.

    Hugs from the Mommy of an angel,