This is such a journey. I'm learning so much through this process. I wish at times I wasn't but that's just how I am. I do not like change and avoid it at all costs. Grief is change - tons of change. I'm learning that I have a choice to make everyday. I can either let fear and grief schedule my entire day or I can let go of the situation and ask God for the strength to make it through the day. It's not easy. It doesn't mean that I won't be upset or exhausted or confused. He has given us more strength than Bryant and I ever thought possible. I sit here and think about the things that we have been brought through these past twelve weeks and I'm amazed.
Twelve weeks. I didn't think I would make it out of the first week and now here I am. I'm learning more everyday how to move forward. Bryant and I aren't forgetting Nate. Even though at times it still feels like that. Bryant and I aren't trying to erase this tragedy from our story. We will never be the same because of Nate. We will never look at things the same way. Our priorities have changed. Our relationship has changed. We are still broken people but we know we are Hope is found. Our hope isn't found in the situations and circumstances of this world. Our hope is found in Jesus.
It's weird seeing the summer come to an end so quickly. I cannot believe that it is almost August. Normally, we would have already begun the countdown for football season. I don't think that will be the case this year. This fall will be hard for us. It will be hard to enjoy things knowing our Nate should be here. I guess that is where the choice thing come into play. We will have to choose (as hard as it may be) to find happiness in the moments that we can and know that the Lord will give us the strength in the moments where we can't.
I am ready to go back to work. I'm excited about the people I will be working with. I'm also ready to finish with this online degree I have been working on the past year. I worked for about 5 hours yesterday on one of my courses and got so frustrated I had to stop. Hopefully, I will be able to figure out some of my issues when I talk to my instructor today. I'm sure Bryant is very hopeful of this too! I have one course left and then I'm done. I need to make some money. I know money isn't everything but with a mortgage and bills and debt it helps a lot.
Ok - that's it for today.
3 days ago